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Oct. 16th, 2007 | 09:31 am
mood: content content

Well it looks like there was all that fuss *points at the "ARGH pregnancy!!!!" post*. I got my period today roughly 14 days late thank you very much. GRRRR. In a way im happy, i mwean like less stress and all that. But at the same time id kinda gotten geared up for the idea of motherhood, so im a bit gutted.

Oh well Cest la vie!

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Ode to sam

Oct. 15th, 2007 | 04:10 pm

This girl...

Changed my life....

For the better...

She is my rock,and i love her!
She makes me smile when all i want to do is cry,
She makes me dance when all i want to do is mope.
She stops me caring about who i am,
And she always, always passes the ham!

She picks me up when i fall down,
She sews me back up when i come apart.
She is my best advisor,
And my closest freind.
She's like the big sister i never had.

Withought her, i would have quit this all a long time ago.

I love you sam

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(no subject)

Oct. 15th, 2007 | 03:33 pm
location: Living Room
mood: confused confused
music: Drive you Home- Garbage

Well me and nick have been really off and on, and i properlly called it off last week only to put everything back on again. I think i do love him, but its hard, really fucking hard. Also to completely fuck about with things,I'm pregnant. I'm waiting to do tests, but i just know that i am. I know its Nick's which always makes things slightly less complicated but still. I know i could NEVER EVER get an abortion so i dont know what to do. I told him because its his child but i kinda wished i hadn't...I dont know. I mean i still want to try with him, but a child is like a massive commitment isnt it? I dont belive in the whole "staying together for the kids" bullshit but i dont want to raise a child on my own. I know my friends would help out, but its different than the actuall father being there.
IM SO CONFUSED i dont know what to do.The worst thing is that i can tell how happy nick is and every time he looks at me its like all i can see is how much he loves me. I cant bear telling my mother. She'll be so dissapointed and she'll think im stupid, which i guess is true.
I dont even know how i got pregnant, ive been stupidly carefull....
Anyway before i go completly mental im going to go for a lie-down, ive been so tired lately.

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Aug. 12th, 2007 | 03:08 pm
mood: crushed crushed
music: Hall of Mirrors- Distillers

well just a quick splurge, to say that im pretty sure things are entering the end stages with me and nick. We cant talk to eachother for more than 5 minutes without it becoming a huge argument. We just dont connect any more and i want to cut my losses. It would be so much easier for me to get on with my life without him or his family. Im going to try and talk to him when i get back from being with sam and see if we can sort an easy way for me to move out. I know it sounds harsh, but that boy's used up all my love. And the thing that pisses me off the most is that everyone who said "it will all end in tears" is right. Even the sex has become boring. It's hurting like hell, but this is self preservation, i cant put myself through hell again and again "just in case". I dont need someone to define me, and love sure aint what its cracked up to be. Anyway going to get away with sam for a bit, hopefully clear my head so i can deal with the fallout easier. Need to start flat hunting....

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Jul. 5th, 2007 | 12:03 am
mood: weird weird

Feeling stupidly down today...not too sure why, probably hormonal. DAMN FEMALNESS! And the fact that i had fuck all sleep last night.
To make things worse I was woken at daft o clock this morning by nicks dad going on and on and on to someone on the phones. After drifting back to sleep for a while i was woken again, this time by the VERY VERY loud sound of drilling. ARGH apprently the gas people couldnt get a proper reading from our house, so of course the next logical step was to drill a hole in the patio....well they were male. So this went on for about an hour-ish with me getting more and more homicdal, untill i gave up and went into nicks room (farther away from the patio therefore less noisey) and fell asleep again. At that point I'd lost all sense of time so didnt realise i was meant to be in ebbw vale in about an hour...eeep. Luckily woke up half an hour later, unluckily we were told that we couldnt get a lift because they couldnt be bothered. Felt really bad because, as we're not allowed to use the phone, I coulnd't call hannah to let her know we couldn't make it (my mobile is broken and we dont have enough to get credit) Eventually Hannah called us and the whole thing was sorted, still not the best way to start the day. 
  Nick and I spent most of the rest of today slobbing aroung, trying to build energy to pack tomorow :p,
 Anyways off to watch the boosh.

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Jul. 2nd, 2007 | 06:32 pm
location: Home
mood: stressed stressed
music: The Smashing Pumpkins

Well here we go rhi has a blog... erm whoo anyone?
I did have one of these a long time ago but it fizzled out and came to nothing really. Guessing I could kinda do with the outlet though, a bit stressed at the moment, the would be in-laws aren't exactly easy to live with, and now that Nicks daring to go on holiday with me for a couple of weeks (to meet my family) well they've gotten alot worse. 
Today was passable though spent most of it in bed then tidying up. Mostly sorting out things for the impending holdiay. That should be good, going camping up in Port Ban with my family and Nick for  a week then bumming about glasgow for another week. FUN FUN!

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